


your body is a triangle

by thisstableground



Series: less than ninety degrees [2]
Category: Do No Harm (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Let Ruben Be Happy, Multi, Porn with Feelings, Threesome - F/M/M, so many feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-10-23 09:11:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10716456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisstableground/pseuds/thisstableground
Summary: Ruben's living his new life post-Jamaica in a little neighborhood called Washington Heights.Things, for once, go pretty well for him.[April 2017-July 2017]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> [a/n: i continue to have a serious Ruben problem and have accidentally been creating a sort-of DNH/ITH crossover verse on tumblr, but this is the first proper fic i've done for it. because if you're gonna have an OT3, make it one so obscure that literally nobody else has written it, i guess.
> 
> post-canon for both fandoms, and i'm working on the assumption that it's a few years after ITH and that Ruben got his PhD quite young so they're all at various points in their 20s. since we don't know what happened to Ruben in jamaica, i've used very roughly the first chapter of maps, but honestly all you need to know from that fic is Ian messed Ruben up pretty bad with a knife, as well as all the canonical kinds of messed up he got. poor dude needs so much love.]

Save for Nina Rosario out in California, who Ruben hears a lot about, Vanessa is the last of Usnavi’s little barrio family that Ruben meets, since technically she doesn’t live in the barrio. Not to mention, he doesn’t exactly mingle much outside of Usnavi, though he’s slowly growing to enjoy Sonny’s earnest enthusiasm and Benny’s big-brother chill. Ruben’s listened to them all talk about Vanessa lovingly: what he really takes from their descriptions are that she’s sharp-edged to their softness, a summer storm through their sunny days. Usnavi is clearly beyond smitten when he talks about her confidence, the way she owns the dancefloor, her quick temper and quick wit when she shoots down the idiots who catcall her.  
  
Ruben thinks she sounds terrifying. He’s done his time with quick tempers, he doesn’t really want to meet her. But it’s not like he can just run away when she walks into the bodega one day and spots both of them.  
  
“Woah, what’s this? Did you get a spare Usnavi to watch the store so you can spend more time with me?” She kisses Usnavi on the cheek. “That’s so sweet.”  
  
Usnavi makes a face. They’ve heard this from everyone. “We don’t look that similar.”  
  
“Please,” says Vanessa. She hasn’t bothered to ask Ruben’s name. “I’m starting to think there’s some kind of mass-produced Usnavi factory back in DR you never told me about. That’s the kinda thing a girl wants to know about her man.”

She rakes appraising eyes over Ruben, all the way down and back up again. Is she making fun of him? He pulls his sleeves down over his hands uncomfortably.

“I’m not even from DR,” he says. “I’m Puerto Rican. And my name is Ruben.”  
  
“Vanessa, be nice,” says Usnavi. He doesn’t sound stern about it, probably isn’t capable of even pretending to be stern, but she lifts her hands up in surrender anyway.  
  
“Sorry, sorry,” she says. “I’m just teasing, Ruben. Usnavi’s mentioned you. Good to finally meet you. You two do look pretty alike, though.”  
  
“Not really,” Ruben says. “I think it’s mostly the beard.”  
  
Vanessa hums thoughtfully. “Could be. Still, if I wasnt paying attention I could easily mix you up. Maybe one of you should shave.”  
  
“ _No_ ,” they both say, scandalised. She laughs, and the sound is more wicked than pretty but her eyes are happy through and through.  
  
By the time Sonny comes in for his shift fifteen minutes later so that Usnavi and Vanessa can go do their couple thing, Ruben’s still pretty sure she’s terrifying, but he thinks he kind of likes her too.  
  
***  
  
The first coffee of the day is Ruben’s favorite. He’s always been too busy to sleep well, and it’s only got worse since everything. Except now instead of waking in the pre-dawn light to stare at nothing while the endless day stretches out in a chasm in front of him, he has a reason to get up, get dressed, head out into the empty streets before the day's brightness and the neighborhood noise crowd out the clarity.  
  
Usnavi always has his coffee ready before he shows up, black with a pinch of cinnamon, though Usnavi insists that he’d be better off with _light and sweet._  
  
“Light and sweet is _your_ style,” Ruben tells him. “Me, I’m dark and bitter. I’m basically Batman.”  
  
“Watch your damn mouth, Marcado. I ain’t having you call my coffee bitter, con leche or no,” says Usnavi, gently hip-checking him on his way past. Ruben stumbles harder than the soft bump really necessitated, surprised.  
  
Usnavi immediately looks mortified. “Shit, I’m sorry, was that not okay? I know you’re not…you don’t like the touching thing, I wasn’t thinking, I’m sorry.”  
  
“Hey, Usnavi, relax,” says Ruben. The sudden touch was unexpected, yeah, but what actually caught him off-guard was that it was _fine_. No accompanying shot of lightning down his spine with the electric-shock warning to _run, now_. Yeah, he knew he’d been getting better, but…that really is _some_ progress. He smiles a little into his drink at the discovery. “It’s not always that bad, depending. Mostly only if I don’t feel safe.”  
  
“You feel safe with me?” says Usnavi in a hushed, honored tone.  
  
Ruben does, he really does, and it’s a lot to do with how good a friend Usnavi’s been to him since the very first day they met. But it’s also because Usnavi is about as intimidating as a box of narcoleptic puppies, and it’s too early in the morning to get sappy. “I mean, I could easily take you down if I had to. You’re tiny.”  
  
“We’re the exact same height,” Usnavi argues.  
  
“Yeah, but I don’t have the body of someone who spends all day running round a bodega and boosting his metabolism with caffeine,” says Ruben. He takes a chance and pokes Usnavi in the side. Usnavi squeaks, then tries valiantly to pretend he didn’t. “See? You’ve got nothing to you. Delicate like a flower.”  
  
“I- you don’t even- I’m not- shut up, man!” blusters Usnavi, knocking over the pile of paper bags next to the cash register. “Aw, crap. No, it’s okay, I got it, sit down and drink your dumb black coffee before it gets cold.”  
  
So Ruben hops up on the counter and cradles the red paper cup in both hands while he watches Usnavi flit around the store straightening up the shelves and muttering to himself about inventory. The caffeine must be hitting Ruben fast today: there’s that restless tingle in his fingers, there’s that speeding in his pulse.  
  
***  
  
The barrio is social above all else, Ruben comes to learn the longer he spends there, and there doesn’t have to be a motive behind it. And infrequent though his own attempts at mingling are, he still feels _welcome_. After only a short time getting to know the people that Usnavi spends most of his time round, they start dropping by Ruben’s place every so often just to chat, or because they haven’t seen him outside for a few days and wanted to see how he was doing, or because they accidentally made too much food and they’re bringing by leftovers.   
  
(That  _accidentally_ is blatantly a lie. They don’t know what exactly happened to him, most of them, but its probably obvious to the world that he’s kind of a mess. He thinks about his mamá shoving food at him whenever he was stressed in school or in the first months that he was back from Jamaica, with the firm belief that a home-cooked meal might not _completely_ solve every problem but is definitely a vital component in the healing process. Whenever he calls her back in Philly, he tells her what he’s been eating courtesy of his neighbors, laughing as he reassures her that no, it’s good, but of course it doesn’t compare to hers.)  
  
It takes a while to adapt. He lets Usnavi and Benny in when they come by saying they _just wanted to hang out_ , makes coffee for Camila while she puts the stack of tupperware she brings round into his fridge, but he’s always on edge ready to hear what they need from him, what he has to do this time.  
  
Nobody ever asks much more of him than to spend time together. It’s strange, it’s amazing, it’s even more amazing that it applies in reverse too. Okay, he’s not quite at knocking on actual front doors level yet, but the bodega is a hub of life all day long and he’s slowly getting used to the fact that he’s not bothering Usnavi by showing up there to hang out when he doesn’t need to buy anything.  
  
“Are you kidding?” Usnavi had said when he’d expressed concerns along those lines. “I’m not still working this place because of a lifelong ambition to sell tampons and soda. I’m here for the people.”  
  
So although Ruben’s first coffee of the day is still his favourite, he’s been tentatively trying to visit again at busier times too, trying to fight the urge to run as soon as he’s finished buying whatever he’s there for. Sometimes he’s not great at talking, but Usnavi does that enough for the both of them, or just gets on with his work while Ruben sits people-watching.  
  
This means that he’s been seeing a lot more of Vanessa when she stops by. They’re getting to know each other, Ruben’s getting to enjoy the savage streak of sarcasm he can thread out of her sometimes, but he tries not to spend too much time third-wheeling. It’s no fun knowing he’s only playing backup for someone else’s show.  
  
Every time she enters, she always wraps an arm around Usnavi’s waist and pulls him in to kiss him fiercely on the cheek before she says hello to anyone else in the room, like she needs to remind the world or maybe herself that they belong to each other before anything else can get a look in.  
  
Usnavi momentarily loses the thread of whatever he was saying to Ruben, sparking like a firework under her burning attention. Ruben watches from atop the counter feeling cold and colorless and dull. He wants to go home, suddenly.  
  
The soft thud as he jumps down to the floor draws the attention of the other two. “Oh, are you leaving already?” says Usnavi, sounding genuinely disappointed.  
  
“I only just arrived,” adds Vanessa. “Stay a while, hang out with us. Usnavi says you dont get out enough.”  
  
“I didn’t phrase it like _that_.”  
  
“Usnavi’s one to talk,” says Ruben, but he resigns himself to staying anyway. “Coming from your apartment to work in the store below your apartment doesn’t count as getting out.”  
  
“I do other things, sometimes,” Usnavi objects. “I went to the park like three weeks ago. Fuck, wait, that makes me sound actually even  _more_ of a shut-in, doesn’t it?”  
  
“Eh. Did you have fun?”  
  
“Lots of dogs.”  
  
“Nice _._ ”  
  
“We need to get you dancing, Ruben,” Vanessa says. “Come to the club with us.”  
  
“The world’s not ready for this,” he replies, shaking his hips a little. “I’d only make the two of you look bad, I’m doing you a favor.”  
  
“Come on, when’s the last time you had some fun?” Vanessa cajoles. “I bet you like those stupid colorful umbrella drinks, we can get some of those in you and find you a nice girl. Or guy, I guess?”  
  
“Either, actually, but no. Really.” He doesn’t want to go out dancing. The last time he went to a club - the last time - his thoughts do a scratched-CD skip. Vanessa says something but what he hears is _take charge of your life, if you wanna leave, leave_ , and what he feels is the phantom bloodbuzz of MDMA through his fingers and what he does is forget how to speak.  
  
“Vanessa, drop it,” says Usnavi, not harshly, but it still sets her on the defensive.  
  
“ _What_ , I was just-“ but then she must catch sight of Ruben because she falls silent. He can tell that his eyes have unfocused, that he’s clenching then opening his hands rhythmically trying to dispel the restless insect-crawl vibration under the skin of his palms.  
  
Oh, okay. It’s not MDMA he’s feeling at all, it’s the rush of a flashback. Hard to tell they’re happening, sometimes. They don’t often submerge him completely like they used to, he knows where he is - but he can still feel the humming bass of the music, the gunshots skimming past his head, the chemical happiness shouting down his sober core of rattling fear while he eats burgers next to Ian.  
  
“I…fuck. What did I do?” asks Vanessa, as uncertain as he’s ever heard her.  
  
Usnavi, for once, ignores her. “Ruben,” he says, standing in front of him, not touching, sounding much further away than he is. “Can you hear me? Do you know where you are?”  
  
Usnavi’s got better at this since the first time they met, speaking slower, keeping his distance.   
  
“Yes,” says Ruben, distantly.  
  
“Good. That’s good,” says Usnavi. “Is it, um, about Jamaica?”  
  
They haven’t talked about it since the day Ruben suddenly found himself spilling out his life sat in the kitchen of Usnavi’s apartment after a flashback a few weeks ago. He shakes his head.  
  
“No, before. There was…Ian took me to a club, I had to make drugs for them. Took a pill. They had guns. He knew where my mom’s house was.” There’s a painful brightness over his eyes, he blinks hard to try and clear it. It helps, a little. He doesn’t feel panicky so much as untethered and unreal. “It’s okay,” he tells himself firmly. “It’s over.”  
  
“It’s over,” repeats Usnavi, fidgeting anxiously. “Can I put my hands on your shoulders, is that alright?”  
  
Ruben nods. The weight of Usnavi’s grip is a comfort he didn’t know he’d been wanting. He doesn’t touch people much these days, or ever, really, and he finds himself grabbing Usnavi and pulling him in to a proper hug, hiding his face against Usnavi’s neck. Usnavi exhales with loud surprise, but brings his arms up around Ruben, rubbing his back in soft circles. Ruben breathes slowly, counting in his head, and the strange humming feeling ringing in his bones dissipates a little. It’ll come back later, probably, but at least now he won’t make any more of a scene in the store, in front of -  
  
Vanessa has been silent the whole time. He’d forgotten she was here. When he lifts his head to meet her gaze he’s unsettled to see that her eyes are shining with tears, a crumpled little wrinkle in her brow. It seems very wrong on her face. She startles back at his look, turns quickly to face the other way with her hair flying.  
  
Stepping back from Usnavi, Ruben gathers himself. “I’m sorry. I should go.”  
  
“Ruben-“ Usnavi begins, then clearly casts around trying to think of what to say, only managing to find “will you be okay?”  
  
“Yeah. I’m fine.” It wasn’t a bad one, as far as these things go. “I just wanna be at home right now, y’know? I’ll see you tomorrow, probably. And you, Vanessa.”  
  
He tries to sound gentle. She wasn’t to know that Ruben’s a minefield. Vanessa nods jerkily, back still turned. As he leaves, he can hear her ask Usnavi again, “what did I do?”.  
  
***  
  
They’ve not spent enough time alone together for Ruben to know what her usual behaviour is like, so he’s not sure whether opening the door later that evening to find that it’s Vanessa knocking is something he expected or not. It’s definitely unusual that she’s bouncing nervously, arms folded across her front: Vanessa always strides and sways and knows exactly what she’s about.  
  
There’s something else different as well as all that, but he can’t figure it and they’ve been stood in the doorway not speaking for long enough that it’s starting to get awkward. He waves her into the shabby little living room.  
  
Vanessa makes some distance between them but doesn’t sit, just stands there scowling viciously at the floor. “I’m. Sorry. For the, uh, I don’t actually know. Usnavi says it’s not his place to tell me, which is a first, for him. But I obviously said something that’s like…a thing for you. So I’m sorry.”  
  
She looks like a kid being forced to apologise in the schoolyard but she sounds like she really means what she says.  
  
“It’s okay,” Ruben says. “I’m fine.”  
  
“It’s _not_ okay,” she bursts out, loudly. “It’s _not_. I made you feel bad and I don’t want- I’m not- this isn’t. Aagh!”  
  
Vanessa stamps her foot and that’s when Ruben figures out what’s different about her - she’s wearing sneakers, the first time he’s ever seen her in flats, and is actually about an inch shorter than him.  
  
“I’m not good at this,” she says frustratedly. “Look. I made you feel bad, and I don’t want to do it again, and I’m not saying, y’know, spill the backstory. You dont know me, you’ve got no reason to trust- I’m not asking for anything. Just, is there a way I can…not fuck up like that again?”  
  
Her voice is gritty and strained like this is legitimately painful, and sympathy washes wavelike across him. He gets it, trying to talk through things like speaking through broken glass, he’s never been good at this either. True, he’s been more emotionally open than usual recently, but that’s because it always tumbles out unexpectedly in high-stress situations. Never by choice.  
  
Ruben looks down at Vanessa’s sneakers again, thinks of the way he once saw her hook a particularly persistent catcaller by the back of his shirt collar and pull so that the guy was forced to stoop to her eye level to avoid choking while she told him to back the fuck off, shorter than him even in her heels and not intimidated at all. Vanessa who is small and stunning and constantly being pushed to be the passive lightning-rod for someone else’s needs, and who never becomes what they want her to be.  
  
The picture he’d built up in his mind from the stories before they’d met wasn’t exactly wrong, but was definitely a funhouse mirror kinda skewed. She’s not soft, but she’s not sharp either, he realises, she’s a blunt impact punch to the stomach. No subtlety, but she _has_ to be like that. Vanessa makes herself tall and makes herself tough. That kind of thing works well in some situations, maybe not so much in others.  
  
Like now. God, she’s trying so hard though, and Ruben’s heart swells a little. Decision made: he crosses over the room to take her hand. She stares at him.  
  
He looks her right in the eyes and says with all the sincerity he can put into his voice, “you suck at this.”  
  
Vanessa laughs.  
  
“I suck at this too, though,” Ruben says, “And. It means a lot, that you’d come here, that you’d ask. I think one or both of us might die all over my couch if we tried to sit here and have a heart-to-heart about my, about the everything-”  
  
“I wasn’t expecting you to,” Vanessa says quickly.  
  
“-But,” he continues over her. “But…Usnavi’s way better at this kind of thing, and he knows. He’d probably kind of like someone else to talk it over with anyway, someone who isn’t me. I mean, Sonny knows a bit, too, and he’s a good kid but, he is still a _kid_. I think Usnavi kind of…dialed it back when he told him.”  
  
“Ruben,” says Vanessa.  
  
“The details really aren’t pretty. But tell Usnavi I said I want you to know. He can tell you whatever.“  
  
“ _Ruben_ ,” she says again, full of feeling, and half-turns away before taking a deep, steadying breath and suddenly flinging her arms around him. The unexpected weight buckles his knees till he steadies into the embrace, but Vanessa pulls back pretty quickly.  
  
“Shit! We literally just finished talking about- I should’ve asked before I touched you, shouldn’t I? Like Usnavi did in the bodega. Fuck. I’m an idiot.”  
  
“We’re good, Vanessa,” Ruben assures her. And they are. He’s not scared of her.  
  
“Thank you,” she says. “For trusting me with this. I can see why Usnavi likes you so much, you’re pretty special.”  
  
She says that last part at superhuman speed then fucking _bolts_ out of the apartment like she just dropped a grenade. Ruben sits down on the floor, feeling strange and light, a freefalling feather.  
  
***  
  
It’s pretty obvious that Vanessa must have immediately talked to Usnavi about everything, because she comes into the store two days after and instead of immediately beelining for Usnavi stacking candy bars on the shelves in front of the counter, she freezes for a moment and then walks purposefully towards Ruben stood by the window.  
  
“I’m going to hug you,’ she states like it’s a threat. “If you are okay with me doing that.”  
  
“That’s cool,” he says, a little high pitched. He’s not scared of her but he’s still Ruben so he’s never going to _not_ be intimidated by someone who looks like Vanessa being within a five foot radius of him, never mind announcing their intentions to put any part of their body on his body.  
  
She hugs very differently to Usnavi, who envelopes people in affection as if he’s folding a blanket around their shoulders. Vanessa hugs aggressively, one arm slender steel firm around his back and the other hand on the back of his head so that his face is shoved kind of uncomfortably into her shoulder, like she’s shielding him, like she’s daring the world to come try something while she’s there.  
  
“If that asshole _ever_ shows his face round here, you fucking tell me about it, okay?” she says vehemently.  
  
“Mmmph,” Ruben replies into her shoulder.  
  
They stand there for long enough that Usnavi eventually gives a loud, pointed cough. “I’m happy you crazy kids have found each other, but it’s starting to get kind of lonely over here.”  
  
Vanessa loosens her vice-hug a little. “Can you blame me? He’s so cute.”  
  
“You _did_ say we look alike,” says Usnavi hopefully, sidleing up beside them. Vanessa rolls her eyes, finally bringing Usnavi in for a kiss, but she keeps one arm tight round Ruben’s shoulders while she does it.  
  
“Don’t flatter yourself, Usnavi,” says Ruben. “The lady made her choice.”  
  
“Hey, I saw her first,” Usnavi protests, and then cranes his head to look at Vanessa. “I saw him first too. Please don’t make me fight either of you, I’d lose so badly. I’d probably cry.”  
  
Ruben’s got a flicker in his chest that feels like panic but isn’t, fast and fluttering. Whatever it is, he lets it be: he’s too happy right now to worry about it, with Vanessa holding onto him and Usnavi smiling at him from her other side.  
  
***  
  
Hug barrier now crossed, it starts to become a _thing._ At first, Vanessa sticks to her usual entrance, whenever both Usnavi and Ruben are around: first priority Usnavi, to deliver the prolonged, passionate cheek kiss. It’s only after that’s done that she’ll turn to wrap Ruben into one of her forceful hugs. She asks permission every time, for a few weeks, but it becomes so routine to their greetings that it starts to seem unnecessary since it’s never unexpected.  
  
Usnavi starts greeting him with hugs too. “I’ve known you longer,” he explains. His beard tickles against Ruben’s neck when he talks. “And I’m supposed to be the sweet one out of me and Vanessa. Can’t have her outdoing me, right?”  
  
“Makes sense,” Ruben agrees, winding his arms around Usnavi’s waist. This is weird, right? It’s definitely weird - he’s never been a hugger, not even before everything.  Mostly because the whole process of figuring it out held unending levels of possible social fuck-up that Ruben didn’t have the knowledge to navigate: how long does he hold it for? Will he make women feel objectified, does it make him creepy to hug guys if they don’t know he’s bi, what exactly is he meant to do with his hands, and when did everyone else get taught this stuff because he seems to be the only one who doesn’t know?  
  
It never used to bother him to go without until Jamaica and everything afterwards, but now Ruben suddenly finds himself passed from Usnavi to Vanessa every time he sees them and he doesn't know how he managed for so long. Neither of them seem to care that Ruben holds onto them for as long as they let him or that his hands instinctively cling tightly in fists at the backs of their shirts, wrinkling up whatever they’re wearing while he clutches at that closeness. Turns out he’s been missing out in a major way. There’s a lot of lost time to make up for.  
  
At some point, Vanessa stops automatically turning to find Usnavi first, and just goes to whichever one of them is closest when she enters a room. Usnavi doesn’t seem to notice, or at least doesn’t seem put out by it if he does. If this situation wasn’t weird before it definitely is now, and Ruben’s not entirely at ease with the shivering, pleased stagefright feeling he’s starting to get whenever he finds himself under the twin spotlights of their attentions. But he doesn’t want to give it up, and he’s worried that maybe this is actually just normal and how friends work and that it’ll only be strange if he _makes_ it that way by saying something.  
  
He says nothing, and it continues.  
  
***  
  
Vanessa, whenever she stays at Usnavi’s, wakes up a few hours after the bodega opens and always comes into the store for coffee rather than making her own in Usnavi’s kitchen.  
  
(‘It’s because her coffee tastes like someone put cinnamon inside a liquid nightmare,” Usnavi had told him.)  
  
Usually she’s half-awake and not even dressed, like today when she stumbles down the back stairs in baggy plaid pants and a white undershirt that looks like one of Usnavi’s. Her hair is in a sleep-mussed braid and she looks kind of angrily confused, her eyes barely open. Usnavi is putting the trash out back. Ruben is leaning against the counter with his second coffee of the day.  
  
“Good morning,” says Ruben.  
  
“Mffmgnm,” says Vanessa, or something like that, scrunching up her nose. She comes over to Ruben, but instead of the usual hug, she leans fully into him and kisses his cheek. Ruben forgets how to move, and this is predictably the moment that he hears “um…hi, Vanessa” from the doorway.  
  
“Usnavi!” Ruben yelps, resisting the urge to shove Vanessa off him because he’s pretty sure she’ll shove him back harder. “This- we weren’t- I didn’t?”  
  
So he’s not great under pressure. And Vanessa is no help, blinking between Ruben and Usnavi while her brain almost audibly registers _no hat, hat, sweatshirt, red shirt_. “Oh,” she says, finally. “Oops.”  
  
Her arm is still slung in a low lazy loop around Ruben’s waist. It doesn’t occur to him to move away, he’s too busy watching Usnavi walk over to them. How do things like this keep happening? He didn’t even _do_ anything this time.  
  
“You tryna make me jealous?” Usnavi asks in a soft voice. He doesn’t sound mad and he’s hardly the type to pull a knife on someone for this or really any reason, but Ruben still doesn’t want to upset him.  
  
“No, nonono,” Ruben says, “Nothing like that, just a mis-“  
  
Except then he stops, brain suddenly empty, because Usnavi’s come round to _Ruben’s_ side, not Vanessa’s, and against his cheek there’s a scratch of beard and soft lips pressing in a long, lingering kiss.  
  
“Um,” says Ruben.  
  
“Now we’re even,” says Usnavi triumphantly. “Morning, Vanessa.”  
  
“Good morning, Usnavi,” she says, sounding very much more awake than she had a moment ago. She leans round and kisses him too.  
  
“ _Um,_ ” says Ruben again, more insistently, just to make sure they heard him.  
  
“Was that bad?” Usnavi asks, worried. “I shouldn’t have-“  
  
“No, that was fine!” Ruben interrupts, louder than he means to. “Good, great, fine, it’s all good, awesome! Good morning to _every_ one, I guess!”  
  
Extricating himself from between them he grabs his coffee and chugs it before more words keep coming out of his mouth. His hand creeps up of its own accord to wonderingly touch his cheek, which is fever-warm under his fingers.  
  
“Oh my god,” says Vanessa delightedly. “Are you _blushing_ , Ruben?”  
  
“NO. I HAVE TO GO,” he says, why is he _talking so loud, Jesus,_ and practically runs out of the store.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DID SOMEONE SAY SIX THOUSAND WORDS OF THE FLUFFIEST GODDAMN PORN KNOWN TO MANKIND? sure hope so. Usnavi/Ruben/Vanessa part 2: The Fuckening.

The kiss was definitely a joke, and Ruben definitely doesn’t lie awake trying not to overthink it.  
  
Despite the late night, he wakes as early as ever, and the temptation to just lie low and not visit the bodega for a few days almost wins out but for the fact that he knows that would just turn this into a big deal. Which it isn’t, because it’s definitely a joke.

He dawdles his way through getting dressed and gets to the store at around half seven, and Vanessa, for once, is already awake, though she doesn’t look particularly happy about it. She’s in her sneakers again so Usnavi is slightly taller, looking down at her adoringly while he tucks some of her still-ruffled hair behind her ear.  
  
Ruben should’ve stayed in bed.  
  
“Hey, there he is!” Usnavi has turned at the sound of the bell above the door, his face still lit with the residual affection from a moment before.  
  
“Hi, Ruben,” says Vanessa, holding her arms out in expectation of her hug. Since going back to sleep to avoid having to deal with this is probably not an option at this point, he embraces her.  
  
She kisses his cheek. Usnavi, a moment later, does the same.  
  
What is _happening_?  
  
They’re watching him, smiling but clearly trying to gauge his reaction, to see if they’ve crossed a line. He clears his throat and smiles back, small and very real. They relax. “Hey, Vanessa. Hey, Usnavi.”  
  
What? It felt good. So sue him.

***  
  
This builds into a routine much like the hug thing did, and even though it’s definitely a joke, it stops feeling like one and just turns into a thing that they do. Ruben really should say something but says nothing at all, because he likes it. He _really_ likes it, even if that makes him feel vaguely guilty and wrong. If he says something, it might stop, and that would feel worse than the guilt.  
  
It’s almost inevitable that this private little whatever they’ve got going on slips out at an inopportune time, namely when Ruben is chatting with Benny a short way up from the bodega and Usnavi dashes past them at full speed.  
  
“What’s the hurry, little homie?” Benny calls out. Usnavi stops dead like someone’s caught him on a fishing hook and doubles back.  
  
“Hey, hi, sorry guys, can’t stop, need to take over for Sonny and it’s the post-work rush,” he says in one breath. He claps Benny on the shoulder and then, like always, kisses Ruben on the cheek before sprinting away, apparently not even realising what he’d just done.  
  
Benny gives Ruben a look of wide-eyed confusion. Ruben just shrugs. He doesn’t know either.

Whether Benny actually tells anyone or not, the nature of the barrio means that word has spread by the next morning. Ruben walks by Daniela and Carla on their way to visit the Rosarios, and they both shake their heads at him teasingly.  
  
“Poor Vanessa will be heartbroken,” says Carla.  
  
“It’s José and Julio all over again,” agrees Daniela.

Ruben stutters out a denial, which only makes them laugh at him. “I am going to go to my apartment now,” he says, aiming for dignified. “My apartment, alone, without Usnavi, who I am not having an affair with.”  
  
“Okay,” says Daniela amiably. As he leaves, she yells “make sure to use protection!” after him.  
  
Alright, he _has_ to say something.  
  
***  
  
Since it takes him all of Friday to process that holy shit, everyone knows about the kiss thing, this is bad, and since he has to wait til the store closes the day after that, there’s a lot of time for Ruben to realise that there’s only one thing he can do, no matter how much he wishes otherwise. By the time he’s standing at the door out back of the bodega, pressing the buzzer to the apartment above, he’s frazzled and unhappy.  
  
“Yo,” comes Usnavi’s voice through the static-crackling intercom.  
  
“It’s Ruben. We really need to talk.”  
  
“Well, that sounds ominous. Buzzin’ you up now.”  
  
It’s halfway up the stairs he realises he’s never come round here without an invite before and that this is a shitty time to be the first. Usnavi opens the door as soon as he knocks, clearly stood behind it waiting.  
  
“You kissed me in front of Benny and now the whole barrio thinks we’re fucking,” says Ruben.  
  
“…Hi to you too. I kinda thought that might be it. Come in, Vanessa’s here too.”  
  
On their entrance to the front room Vanessa stands and Ruben takes a hasty step backwards, to avoid any potential hugging. She looks put out.  


“He’s here about the thing,” says Usnavi.  
  
“Ah, you mean your scandalous love affair with my boyfriend,” says Vanessa, smirking at Ruben. “Yeah, I’ve heard all about your passionate embrace. And in front of Benny, too, you kinky little shits.”

“We’re not having a scandalous- it’s not funny, Vanessa!”  
  
She’s laughing hard. Usnavi has his hand over his mouth.  
  
“It’s not _funny_ ,” Ruben says to himself, slumping against the doorframe. The other two stop laughing.  
  
“Hey, we were just kidding around,” says Vanessa. “I know you’re not having an affair with Usnavi. As if either of you would dare, honestly. Why so sad?”  
  
“We have to stop. The- the kissing. And probably the hugs too, and. All of it.”  
  
It’s not the worst pain he’s ever felt, cutting loose from whatever they’ve had going on, and he’ll get through this one as well. It’s just he’s tired of things being painful at all, he’s had more than his share and it keeps coming, and this was so _good_ for a while. Is he going to spend his whole life wanting and never being wanted back? How is it fair that he’s actually _grateful_ Usnavi and Vanessa will just probably keep their distance from him, instead of using him and hurting him then leaving him to bleed alone?  


“Do you _want_ us to stop?” Vanessa asks.  
  
No. 

“…We should.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
Fuck, there’s tears stinging his eyes. This is exactly why he didn’t want to have this conversation in the bodega, but turns out it’s still pretty humiliating here in Usnavi’s front room. “Because. I like it. A lot. And I shouldn’t.”  
  
He gives a significant look first at Vanessa, then at Usnavi, hoping they’ll understand, but it doesn’t seem to click. They just glance at each other. At Vanessa’s nod, Usnavi steps cautiously in front of Ruben, still a few feet away but like a magnetic field Ruben can feel himself drawing towards him. It’s habit, now. It’ll be a hard one to break.  


“You’re allowed to like things, Ruben,” says Usnavi, and he sounds a little bit heartbroken. “You’re allowed to want things.”

“Not this, though,” Ruben mutters miserably, looking at the ground. Usnavi ducks his head to meet his eye again.

“Ruben,” he says, “I’m gonna kiss you now. Is that okay?”  
  
“You probably shouldn’t.” Why won’t they just get it? Why does he have to say it out loud?

“Not what I asked. Is it okay? You can say no.”

“ _Yes_ ,” Ruben snaps _,_ “it’s more than okay, it’s fantastic, but-  
  
He’s cut off by Usnavi kissing him right on the _lips_ , closed-mouth but eager. Ruben’s own mouth opens into it with his shocked intake of breath, opens again to deepen the kiss without stopping to think. One hand comes automatically up to the side of Usnavi’s face. It’s still relatively chaste, but it’s definitely not platonic.

Vanessa starts applauding from the corner. Ruben pulls away reluctantly, remembering himself. “Shit, Vanessa, I wasn’t-“  
  
“Do you think he would’ve done that with me right here if I wasn’t okay with it, idiot?” she asks, sounding impatient. Ruben can’t stop staring dazedly at Usnavi’s mouth for an embarrassingly long time but when he finally manages to look at Vanessa, she’s moved nearer and her face is full of nothing but fond exasperation. It’s the same look she gets when Usnavi gets too tangled up in nervous chatter and trips over all his winding sentences. Usnavi’s got his hands on Ruben’s waist and Vanessa’s fingers are gently tilting Ruben’s chin towards her and this is in no way how life goes for him, this is not the way things work.  
  
“Is this happening?” he says, disbelieving, giddy. “ _What_ is happening?”  
  
“Well,” says Vanessa, and she’s very, very close to him. “What do you want to happen?”  
  
***

Ruben’s not got much experience in general, and none at all with two people at the same time, and he hadn't even considered this as a possible outcome of coming over to talk this evening, so he thinks it's understandable that he’s not quite keeping track of what’s going on. There’s a lot of hands involved in tugging him towards the bedroom, on his arm and his hips and his hair and he doesn’t know whose is where. Nobody’s asking permission but right now he doesn’t need them to, so that’s okay. They’ll stop if he asks, he's sure of it, but there’s no way he’s gonna ask - holy _fuck_ , this can’t be real.

In Usnavi’s room there’s someone’s mouth on Ruben’s and someone else’s on his neck and then he thinks they might switch round but he can’t be sure. It probably should be obvious - only one of them has a beard, for starters - but there’s some major delays going on in his head. It’s easier to separate the two of them by style more than any other information.  
  
Vanessa kisses like she invented and perfected it, meticulous without needing to try: just enough tongue to make him weak, just enough teeth catching his bottom lip to be noticeable without hurting. It reminds him of seeing lionnesses yawn on nature documentaries, a lazy reminder that she _could_ use those teeth properly if she wanted but she’s choosing to spare him for now.  
  
Usnavi kisses like Usnavi does everything else, with more feeling than skill: he opens his mouth slightly too wide, he _definitely_ uses too much tongue, he’s having too much fun to bother with things like technique. His lips keep twitching into sudden suppressed smiles against Ruben’s, as though Usnavi’s just as happily surprised to be here as he is.

Ruben doesn’t know what Usnavi or Vanessa think his kisses are like but he knows how they feel from his side: like he’s been handed the mouthpiece of an oxygen tank underwater that he’s praying won’t be taken away. He’s breathless when Usnavi and Vanessa pull away from him to kiss each other deeply, torn between the instinctive reaction that says he shouldn’t look and the voyeuristic glee that says _but I’m allowed to!_  


Reality only starts to sink back in when Vanessa pushes Usnavi’s red overshirt off his shoulders, leaving him stood there in his tight white undershirt. It’s just always harder with guys not to compare bodies. Usnavi might not be particularly built, but he’s slender from spending all day on his feet, and he’s got lean muscle from carrying boxes around, and his skin is fucking _flawless_. Ruben is soft all over and scarred and maybe should have thought things through before it got to this point with Vanessa tugging the bottom of his sweater up. He jerks away with an accidental, wounded sound and they both step back immediately.

“Sorry,” Vanessa says. “Sorry. Got carried away. We don’t have to.”  
  
“I want to,” Ruben says. "I mean, who wouldn’t? Like, damn." He gestures at both of them: Vanessa raises her eyebrows like _I know, right;_ Usnavi hides his face behind his hand. "And…not so much." He indicates himself.

Usnavi starts to protest straight away but falters off as Vanessa quietly says, “he had a knife, right? Usnavi…Usnavi said he had a knife.”  
  
Ruben doesn’t feel like he’s about to freak out or float away, but he shuts his eyes and counts slowly to three to make sure before he nods. “Yeah.”

“Well, we already knew that,” Vanessa says, straight back to being blunt. “And don’t think we haven’t noticed how you always wear those sweaters. It’s fine, Ruben. Don’t worry about it.”  
  
“Ah, what Vanessa’s saying is, if you really don’t want to, that’s okay. Your choice,” says Usnavi. “But like, we brought you here, so if this is just you thinking we’re gonna be put off by whatever you’ve got going on, you’re wrong.”  
  
Ruben wavers with his hands on the lower hem of his sweater. It’s all too disorienting. He’s been with guys before and he’s been with girls before, but he’s not been very _far_ with them and mostly he’s just been Ruben on his own. Now there’s these two all at once, an overdose of sensory information. They’re standing so close to him. Vanessa’s perfume is smoky and suggestive like incense and Usnavi smells like coffee and hand soap and cheap unbranded deodorant. The only thing Ruben can focus clearly on is the semi-hysterical _haha, fuck you!_ he’s mentally yelling to anyone who ever told him he’d have to pick one side of the fence sooner or later. For lack of other options and because he really wants this, he pulls off his sweater and t-shirt in one, drops them to the floor awaiting judgement.  


‘Jesus _Christ,_ ’ says Vanessa loudly. Ruben winces. Usnavi hisses her name in a warning, though he looks stunned as well. It’s tempting to grab his shirt and put it back on, but Ruben’s come this far now and really, he can hardly blame her. Ian didn’t hold much back.  
  
“Sorry,” she says again. “That’s…a lot.”  
  
Probably most people don’t apologise this much during a threesome, Ruben thinks.  Actually, it’s just a surprise that that none of them have been him so far, and nobody’s tried to kill him either, so really this is still shaping up better than his pre-Jamaica sexual encounters.  
  
“I know,” says Ruben. “If you don’t-“  
  
“That’s not what I meant. It’s just…” Vanessa’s face is doing her screwed-up Oh No I’m Having Feelings thing while she tries to find the words. Eventually she gives up and hugs him the same way she hugged him that first time in the bodega, shielding his face from danger against her slim shoulder. “It’s just that it’s not _fair_ ,” she says. She sounds tearful and furious.  
  
Usnavi folds himself round both of them, runs his hand flat-palmed up and down Ruben’s forearm like he’s trying to smooth away the scars. “Neither of them should have come anywhere near you. They had no fucking _right_.”  
  
Usnavi never progresses much further than annoyed, in Ruben’s experience, but right now the vicious snap to his words outmatches Vanessa by lengths. That’s new.  
  
If the excited nearly-nervous twist low inside his belly is any indicator, Ruben seriously digs it, and that is not new, though it feels incredibly different this time. He thought he was done with anger, he thought he was done with being held still and surrounded. But they’re angry _for_ him, they’re surrounding him with all the sharp points facing outward like a protective shell and not a prison.  
  
He’s not sure why he finds that hot rather than sweet, but he’s had weirder boners than this, so.

Vanessa shifts away to eye him curiously when he starts laughing into her shoulder. “What’s funny?”

She’s not crying but her eyes are wet. So are Usnavi’s. Ruben doesn’t feel like crying at all.  
  
“Nothing, really,” he says. “Just you guys getting all protective and stroking my hideous knife scars and having an Emotional Moment while I’m wondering how to bring up the fact that I am like, _super_ into it.”  
  
Vanessa looks unsettlingly pleased at the revelation. “Really? You got a bit of a freaky side, Marcado?”  
  
“Wanna find out?” he asks, smirking, but he can’t keep that going for long. “Unless I killed the mood? I get that this isn’t quite a five star view.”  
  
“Hey, no complaints from me,” Usnavi says, and Vanessa just grabs Ruben round the hips to bring him into a quick, ferocious kiss. She digs her fingers in harder where he’s carrying a bit of extra weight, muttering _Jesus_  into his mouth before she draws back with bright excited eyes. “Usnavi might be a skinny dude but he knows how to use his hips, you ever see him salsa? I bet you could give him a run for his money with _these.”_  
  
“I’m more of a merengue guy," says Ruben.  


“We’ll have to compare moves,” suggests Usnavi in a godawful attempt at a seductive voice. Vanessa snorts. Usnavi grins, unembarrassed.

“Alright, but you’ll have to lead,” says Ruben. “I don’t have much experience in this kind of thing. This was very unexpected, you know.”

“We’ll have you dancing in no time,” Vanessa promises, in a rich, throaty murmur that sends shivers of anticipation all down Ruben’s spine, and she pulls them both towards the bed.

***  
  
The mood might not’ve been killed but it’s definitely different now, the frantic hunger of excitement fading to something slow and easier to follow. There’s time to notice things: Vanessa likes the bluntness of his nails dragged hard along her back, but prefers feather-soft touches in her hair. Usnavi squirms unhappily when Ruben’s fingers dance too ticklishly at his waist, but the same sensation at the back of his neck makes him close his eyes with a long, slow sigh. A hand slid down Ruben’s arm feels like healing over a wound, but he recoils with revulsion if they lay one on his chest. It’s okay, though: they figure each other out, they linger where it’s good, they leave the rest behind.  
  
There’s no such problem with the chest-touching when Usnavi strips his shirt off and presses flush to Ruben’s front, Ruben pinned below him: the solid weight and sheer amount of bare skin contact sends an ecstatic shudder straight through Ruben’s soul.  
  
“So, how’s it going?” Usnavi asks conversationally, millimetres away from his face.  
  
Ruben considers it. “Pretty good, I guess.”  
  
“What, that’s all you’re gonna give me?”  
  
“Depends on what you’re planning to give _me_.”  
  
“God help me, now there's two of them,” mutters Vanessa. The bed creaks as she bounces to the side and stands. She looks serious and sultry as she flicks open the button on her miniskirt,but then she breaks into a surprisingly goofy smile and strips smoothly out of her skirt, her spaghetti-strap shirt. She’s braless underneath, and the movement as she tosses her long hair over one shoulder makes both Ruben and Usnavi freeze.  
  
“Oh, wow,” Ruben says under his breath totally without meaning to, and only doesn’t feel like a complete nerd because Usnavi’s on top of him staring literally open-mouthed, and _he’s_ seen Vanessa mostly-naked enough times that he should know what to expect by now. She cocks a hip. It’s devastating.  
  
“ _Vanessa_ ,” says Usnavi fervently, devotedly, rolling off of Ruben to stand in front of her and place a hand on either side of her jaw. He smooths his thumbs across her cheekbones; she glances up at him then smiles shyly at the ground as she starts undoing his belt.  
  
Is Ruben supposed to stand up and join in? This feels so much more private than the kisses he’s been watching them trade so far. It’s a moment that’s happened countless times in this room before Ruben was a part of it.It’s stupid to feel jealous, it’s strange to lie here watching, but they don’t need him here for this. It’s so _loving_. He shouldn’t look, he doesn’t. There’s a sound of clothing dropping to the floor.  
  
The bed sinks under someone’s weight.

“Hey now,” says Usnavi, soft and sweet. “Where are you dreaming off to? We’re in the middle of something, here.”  
  
“Nowhere much,” says Ruben. He opens his eyes again. Vanessa settles on his other side.  
  
“So stay with us,” she says. “You’ll have more fun.”  
  
“Okay,” he says, then smiles. “Yeah, okay.”  
  
Usnavi tugs Ruben’s belt without unbuckling it, waiting for permission. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”  
  
He has to lift himself up awkwardly to for Usnavi to push his jeans and boxers down past his thighs, half-falling towards Vanessa who catches him round the waist and kisses him slowly. She intertwines their legs once he’s kicked his pants aside completely. There’s a promise hanging heavy that more is going to happen, but for now they’re fine with waiting. Usnavi settles at Ruben’s back, and Ruben can feel he’s mostly hard, but all he does is run his fingers through Ruben’s hair where it’s getting a little too long and curling at his neck. Vanessa cups Ruben’s cheek in an uncharacteristically tender gesture.  


They don’t need him here at all. They want him here, for sure. That’s so much better.  
  
“Holy fuck,” says Ruben to himself, then laughs. “Holy shit!”  
  
“What?”  
  
“You _like_ me,” he says, amazed.  
  
“What gave it away?” asks Vanessa. Usnavi cracks up. Ruben wriggles round to face him.  
  
“You like me too.”  
  
“Yes,” says Usnavi warmly. “We really do.”  
  
“Tell us what you want, Ruben,” Vanessa says.  
  
He wants to just stay here. To drown his senses in them and their voices and the way they move. He wants to make them feel like he feels right now.  
  
That’s the one.  
  
“I want you to fuck me,” he says to Usnavi, whose fingers twitch spasmodically where they’re stroking at his hair. “And I want- Vanessa. My mouth. Can I,” he asks, “is that okay?”  
  
“God, thats more than okay,” she says, husky-voiced, “but seems like we’re both getting a lot out of this. What about you, Ruben?’

Her hand skims down the fine, barely-there trail of hair below his navel and a shivery twitch quivers through him with unexpected intensity.

“Yeah, Ruben,” says Usnavi by his ear. “What about you?” And he mimics Vanessa’s caress.  
  
“Oh,” gasps Ruben, as he tries to think in words. “You first. You two first. Then me?’

Situations like this don’t come around all that often - it still seems like too much to hope that this is more than a one-time thing, but then...they like him, they said as much. He doesn't know. Just in case, he wants it to last as long as possible.

“Ah, I see,” says Vanessa. “Your turn when you can have our undivided attention.”

And that, too. “ _Yes_.”  
  
“Perfect,” she says, and it is.  
  
***

At least, it is when they’re making out and teasing and keeping things up top, but now Vanessa’s sitting propped against pillows leaning on the back wall with Ruben between her legs, Usnavi to his side lazily petting up and down his spine, and Ruben’s come to standstill.  
  
This is it, this is when it happens. He toys with the delicate edge of her underwear. Dark green, cut like tight shorts in a lacy fabric. Women’s clothing - any clothing, really - isn’t something he knows much about, but he thinks this is a really good color for her. Not quite as garishly sexy as red, so much more distinctive than black. Though Vanessa would look good in either of those. Or in anything. Or in nothing at all, so he’s not sure why he’s delaying that part right now.  
  
“Ruben, you’re getting me naked, not skydiving, you don’t need to look so scared about it.”  
  
Oh, yeah, that’s why: this is terrifying, which is so beyond all reason considering his entire life before now. How is he genuinely afraid of _this_?  
  
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” he whispers, staring at her desperately. “Like…I do _not_ know what I’m doing.”  
  
“Oh, man, you really meant it when you said you were inexperienced, didn’t you?” A thought blossoms over her face. “Wait, are you a -“  
  
“No!” he says hurriedly, but then sighs. “Except, pretty much. The first and only time wasn’t much to shout about.”  
  
“Is that just women, or…?”

“No,” he says, blushing furiously. “That would be with anyone. I’ve gone down on a few dudes, I’m good at that, but…”

This is so fucking embarrassing. He doesn’t want to look at them. Usnavi bumps against him comfortingly with his shoulder. “Hey, we all gotta start somewhere.”  
  
“Yeah. I mean, Usnavi didn’t know anything when we first hooked up,” says Vanessa.  
  
“I wasn’t that bad!”  
  
Vanessa gives Ruben a flat look - _yeah, he really was -_ before she carries on: “But he’s learnt a lot since then. In fact, let’s see how well you’ve been paying attention, Usnavi. How about you teach Ruben what I like?”

“You got it.” Usnavi shifts down to sit behind Ruben with a leg sprawled out on other side of him, resting his chin on Ruben’s shoulder and taking both his hands. Ruben’s trembling with nerves and Usnavi rubs a thumb across his left palm, and the tension’s strung so tightly that he can taste it when he breathes, or at least it is right up until Usnavi starts crooning “ _you can bet before we're through, mister, I’ll make a man out of you”_ right into Ruben’s ear.

“Oh my god,” says Ruben, but he’s giggling. He can practically hear how hard Vanessa is rolling her eyes. “What is wrong with you?”

Usnavi just lays an enthusiastically noisy kiss against Ruben’s neck, right above the pulse, and squeezes Ruben’s hands. “Don’t stress so much, man, we got you. You ready?”  
  
“Yeah. Yeah, I think so,” he says, then, because he can’t resist, “let’s get down to business.”  
  
“Is anyone in this room ever going to shut the fuck up and touch me,” Vanessa announces loudly to the ceiling.  


“Lesson one, Ruben, make the lady pissed at you, we're doing great so far,” says Usnavi, but he takes Ruben’s hands and places them at the top of her thighs. Vanessa leans back against the pillows, arms folded behind her head. If they could bottle self-assurance and sell it, she would be a millionaire.

“Lesson two,” Usnavi continues, and his voice is deeper now, more serious. “Go slow. We can take the scenic route. We’ve got all night.”  
  
Usnavi maps Vanessa out with Ruben’s shaking hands, all the places he’s not sure he’d dare explore without someone else to tell him how. They take their time around the curve of her hips, the hard muscles of her legs, the softness of her breasts as she watches them with loving, heated eyes. Ruben traces a thumb across one nipple without Usnavi’s guidance, and on impulse leans in to take it in his mouth. Vanessa makes a satisfied sound: he licks, and she does it again, louder.  
  
“Fast learner,” she says, hoarsely.  
  
“Good teacher,” says Usnavi, and she tuts at him. He nuzzles against Ruben’s neck and asks “Lesson three?”  
  
“Please,” groans Vanessa. “Ruben?”  
  
“Okay,” he says, pulling away. “Okay.”  
  
Vanessa is graceful when she raises her legs to let him take her shorts off, and completely comfortable in letting them fall wide apart once she’s naked. Usnavi hums an approving sound. Ruben feels like he might actually be dying.  
  
“Just follow my lead,” says Usnavi.  
  
***  
  
Usnavi’s lead takes Ruben all over every spot that makes Vanessa hiss or swear or, his favorite, give a tiny little shriek that she hides behind her palm, and ends up with Usnavi pushing both his and Ruben’s fingers inside her together while she clutches at the sheets. He can’t begin to describe any of it, he can’t believe that he is here.  
  
They’re so _beautiful_.  
  
Ruben’s been speechless for some time, Vanessa’s panting too hard to talk, Usnavi’s quiet commentary has died down into curses. His presence is a searing heat at Ruben’s back, fully hard and nestled right against Ruben’s ass. He rolls his hips against him every time he thrusts their fingers forward inside Vanessa, and Ruben wants more now, he’s ready.

“Usnavi,” Ruben says, pushing back against him, and Usnavi surges into it.  
  
“Fu-uuck,” Usnavi says, through stuttered breath. “‘Yes.”  
  
Vanessa lets out a disappointed whine as Usnavi pulls away, dropping a single quick kiss at the top of Ruben’s spine and rolling off the bed. There’s the sound of a drawer opening, a condom wrapper crinkling, and Ruben wants to watch but he can’t stop looking at his own fingers moving into Vanessa, at the way her body rises and falls with her heaving breath. He makes an experimental scissoring movement and she puts her hands over her face and says “oh my fucking god”.  
  
“Alright, okay, let’s do this. Okay.”  
  
This is obviously new to him: Usnavi sounds nervous. There’s a cold slick of lube and the _lightest_ goddamn touch of one of Usnavi’s long, slender fingers, trailing up and then down over and over, not enough, more hesitant than teasing.  
  
“Us _navi_ ,” Ruben groans out.  
  
“Sorry, sorry! It’s just…I don’t know what I’m s’posed to do in here -”Ruben can’t see him but he’s one hundred percent sure that Usnavi just pointed like, _straight_ up his ass “- and I don’t wanna hurt you or anything. Should we…I dunno. Stop so we can google it?”  
  
“We could maybe -“ Vanessa starts, but Ruben intercedes.  
  
“I got this, we’re good.”  
  
“Thought you said you’d never been with a guy?”  
  
“I haven’t. Figured it out by myself.”  
  
Usnavi makes a startled, gravelly sound deep in his throat. “Jesus, there’s a mental image. Alright. Talk me through it, man.” He’s still drawing out that maddening repetitive line.

“It’s really not that complicated. Lots of lube, go slow, I’ll tell you when I’m ready, please will you just _do_ something.“  
  
“You gotta work for it too, Ruben, come on,“ says Vanessa just as impatiently, but she stays gentle as she pushes his head down, suggesting rather than demanding.  


Through the hazy building glow now that Usnavi’s touching him, Ruben tries his best to remember all the places Vanessa reacted to before, mirroring on them with his tongue what Usnavi does to him: when Usnavi’s fingers trace a circle Ruben does the same, when he slides one into Ruben, Ruben licks deep inside Vanessa. It’s a steady slow incline, Usnavi waiting every time before he changes anything for Ruben to wrench upwards with his face wet to say “slower” or “more, more” or “now, I’m ready, I need it, now”.  
  
“You sure?”  
  
“ _Please_.”  
  
Ruben can't help but look over his shoulder as best he can manage from this angle, he wants to see: Usnavi’s stroking himself slowly with a look of wide-eyed, astonished anticipation that Ruben relates to so very much but is strange to see aimed at himself, at his body. When Usnavi notices Ruben’s gaze his sex-flushed skin turns a shade redder.  
  
_He’s pretty_ , Ruben thinks stupidly.  
  
Usnavi lines up, and gently fucks into him, eyes fluttering closed. “Oh,” he says, as they adjust. “ _Ruben_.”  
  
It’s hard to think at all once Usnavi starts to move, but Ruben realises with a jolt he’s left Vanessa hanging. When he turns back, she’s watching them closely and doesn’t seem to mind. He brings his mouth back onto her.

“Usnavi,” she says, low and intense. “Tell me how he feels.”  
  
“Fuck, Vanessa, dios _mío_ ,” Usnavi rambles with a cracking voice, picking up the pace. Ruben wouldn’t have guessed at him swearing this much. “So fucking good, you don’t even _know_.”  
  
Praise has always been a weak point for him: Ruben moans with his mouth still firm against Vanessa and she grinds down hard against his face. He lets her overwhelm him, touch and taste and scent. “Think I do know, actually,” she says, trying to sound casual but too wrecked to hit the mark.  
  
Ruben thrills. He can be good at this, he can make them both feel good. He’s so _happy_. He can’t get over it. This is _insane_.  
  
“You’re doing so well, Ruben,” says Vanessa, caressing his hair. “Are you holding up okay?”  


He lifts his head so he can answer, so he can think. “This is,” he says, pressing his nose to the crease at the top of her thigh and grazing over her clit with his thumb, “ _so_ much better than doing it to myself.”  
  
The sound that Usnavi makes is explosive and resonates in the force of his next thrust. “You gotta warn me before you _say_ things like that,” he says through gritted teeth, moving faster. He kneads his hands on Ruben’s hips. “God, I’m close.“  
  
Ruben works his tongue against Vanessa, trying to bring her to that level so they finish at the same time. It’s so tempting to just bring himself along for the ride, he could almost come without anyone even going near his dick right now. He squeezes himself firmly till the urge subsides a little, and apparently the sight is enough to get Usnavi off: falling forward, he muffles his shout against Ruben’s shoulderblades, as deep as he can get and rocking gently.  
  
“Usnavi,” says Vanessa, affectionate. “Ruben.”  


Usnavi pulls out slowly. Ruben concentrates on his task. Vanessa’s nearly there, he can tell from the way her body tightens, from the way she’s trying to restrain the urge to pull hard at his hair. 

There’s a hand stroking his back. Usnavi says quietly, “you’re gorgeous, hermoso, god, both of you look amazing.”

He can do this, he can make them feel good. He flicks his tongue once more and Vanessa arches off the bed with a desperate, drawn-out gasp.

After she falls back down to the mattress, Usnavi topples to her side looking mind-blown. “Fuck. I mean, _fuck_.”

Vanessa wriggles blissfully against the sheets. “Mm _hmm,_ ” she agrees.

Ruben did that. That was him.

Holy shit.

***

He’s kind of spacing out in the best way by the time they get to him, sat against the wall like Vanessa was before, aching and needy and barely able to talk. He can’t even tell them what he wants, so they ask instead.

Usnavi’s hand trailing across his collarbone sends a sick nervous feeling through him, too near his chest, too near his throat.“This?” Usnavi asks and Ruben says, ‘no! Not- _no._ ’ 

Nodding acknowledgement, Usnavi drops his hand way down on the soft swell of Ruben’s stomach instead, squeezing a little. “Better?”  
  
“Yes, fuck, yes,” says Ruben, hips jerking up of their own accord.  


“This?” asks Vanessa, two fingers pushing only just inside him. He feels empty now that Usnavi has pulled out. “ _Yes,_ ’” Ruben gasps, and she thrusts them inward fast and deep. 

Usnavi follows down to where his hand is with his mouth. “This?” he says against Ruben’s stomach, sucking a bruising kiss into the skin there. Vanessa adds a third finger, and twists her wrist a little. 

“Please please please _please_ -“ Ruben chants, and he doesn’t care that he sounds like he’s about to cry, that he probably looks like a squirming, sweat-drenched mess. It’s so much. How can any one person have so much at at once? How have these two had each other for this long without it ruining them, what if he can _keep_ this? It’s like his life kept everything back that people usually get in small but regular doses and then showered it on him all in one go, he’s transcendent, and thats _before_ Usnavi says “I’ve never actually done this before” and takes Ruben in his mouth.  
  
Ruben makes a wild sound.

No matter how many people tell them they look similar he just can’t seem to see it, but god, Ruben hopes he looks half as good going down on someone as Usnavi does right now, eyes closed, his lashes dark against his cheeks, his mouth very red. The lack of experience shows: he can’t get very far down, doesn’t know how to relax his jaw and his throat to take more and Ruben’s too dazzlingly endorphin-tripped to talk him through it. But Usnavi knows at least enough to know what works, flattening his tongue against the shaft, pointing it to trail teasingly across the head. His hand is firm around the rest of Ruben’s dick, a continuation of the movements of his mouth, sometimes knocking against Vanessa’s on the downstroke.  
  
Ruben’s writhing and indecisive, trying to fuck upwards into Usnavi’s mouth and down against Vanessa simultaneously, when their rhythm shifts just slightly and Usnavi’s gone as deep as he can manage at the exact same time Vanessa’s fingers are buried all the way inside Ruben, curling to try and find his prostate. He whimpers out a series of rapidfire highpitched _ah_ sounds and when Vanessa finds the right spot a warning current shockwaves through his nerves. He manages to say “I’m gonna, Us _na_ vi-‘, with Vanessa murmuring “come on, he can take it, can’t you, Usnavi?” beside him.

Usnavi gives them a thumbs-up, because he is ridiculous, and Ruben’s heart is suddenly so full that he can’t actually let fall from the high he’s riding. He hovers at the top for an impossible amount of time, until Vanessa hits his prostate again and stays there with her fingers pulsing gently.

She grabs his hand with her free one, says “come on, Ruben, it’s okay, you’re allowed this”, and he comes like dropping off a cliffside without the impact at the end. 

Once the rushing stops he floats, eyes closed, just to revel in it. When he opens his eyes, Vanessa’s still holding his hand but she’s leaning away to clean her fingers on a tissue from the box by Usnavi’s bed. Ruben tugs her towards him, pleading.  
  
“Hey, don’t worry, I got you,” she says, reassuringly, tossing the tissue carelessly across the room and wrapping her arm around his shoulders.  
  
Usnavi’s kneeling between Ruben’s splayed legs, come spattered down his chin and chest, wiping his mouth with the heel of his hand. Ruben reaches for him too, and Usnavi moves into it then pushes back further, so the three of them are lying down properly with Ruben feeling faintly shellshocked in the middle.  
  
“I got you,” says Usnavi, throwing one leg over Ruben’s. Vanessa nestles into his other side and makes a pleased, purring sort of noise.  
  
“Oh,” says Ruben. It’s all he can really think to say. “ _Oh_.”  
  
All three of them are sweaty. Vanessa’s hair is wild. Ruben’s sore all over. Usnavi’s chest is sticky. The whole thing is probably objectively kind of gross, but Usnavi and Vanessa are peppering kisses on his face, and Ruben feels brand brand new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [a/n:  
> LRBH 2K17  
> im having emotions dont fucking look at me]

**Author's Note:**

> [a/n: next chapter up soon, It Has Fucking In It.
> 
> sorry about the title, except not sorry at all.
> 
> come to [my tumblr](https://thisstableground.tumblr.com) where i take art prompts and also where i have no self-restraint and am easily persuaded to make things like this.]


End file.
